Wall of Weird or just plain weird
by smallvilleCSifreak
Summary: OKay do not ask where this came from just read and see how weird i really em


AN: Okay, this is just a quick diversion from my real story. This story line, though really, really, weird, is really funny. However, I cant take all the . okay, okay, I cant take most of the credit for this story. This is b/c the main parts of this story was made up by my friend, though a dream. Now there are many versions of this story, so I'll start off with my evolved one, only b/c it evolves me. However, if this proves to be of interest to ya'll I can tell u the many other versions with there own little bit of humour. But any way back to my friend, I just like to say that with her those times of the months and huge exams would implode me. But with her daily jokes and weekly extreme dreams, I manage to get along just fine so I'd like to thank her very much. Right now, I'm not too sure of her username but I'll find it and re-post this story. So on with. Okay, I just realized as I was starting that this version doesn't have me in it, but its sort of them same but anyway, on with it (again) Disclaimer: Well, technoly I don't own these characters, and you can see why, cause if I did, look what would happen. Spoilers: There are defiantly no spoilers, b/c that would just be weird, but ewww if that was actually part of an episode, well if I tell u what I mean then this spoiler notification would become its own spoiler of my story. PG 13 or so there is a bit of swearing in the end, kind of  
Wall of Weird Material, or Just Weird?  
  
Things like this don't just happen, even on Smallville. 2 months earlier: "Oh Clark, I can't believe we are finally doing this, after all these years of trying, getting out on a date was harder than I thought." Lana said sipping her Shirley Temple. "I know, I'm just glad you agreed to come after all those times I have deserted you." Clark said to himself as he drank his Root Beer. This is it, I have finally won her over, I have won, I have Lana. What about Lex? His inner voiced battled inside his head as Lana went off to the bathroom to 'freshen up'. Shut up, I will not think about that now, this is the day I've been waiting for, don't ruin it for me. As Lana walked back in she saw Clark frown. Oh no, please don't go, don't go, I've been waiting my whole life for this date, don't say you have to leave. Lana thought to herself as she slowly walked towards the table. "Clark, what's wrong?" Lana managed to get out without her voice cracking. "Huh, oh nothing, what's wrong with you, you look like you want to cry?" Clark asked coming out of his argument with himself. "Oh, you looked upset and I thought that you had to go or something." Lana said as she sighed and sat down across from Clark. "Sorry, I just was assuming the worst, want to order now?" "Sure, yea I was just thinking about something and I realized that Chloe is being stalked by a kryptonite infected bug." Clark said as he smiled at Lana with that melting smile, picked up the menu and began to think about what to order. "But she can wait." "Very funny Clark." Lana said almost welting right into her seat with that smile that floated towards her. "Are you two ready to order?" The waiter asked as he looked at the teenagers that sat in front of him. I thought this place was only for older couples; well you'd need a lot of money in this place. Funny though, they don't look like spoiled rich kids. I'll ask Joe about this. "Oh yea, I mean yes we are." Lana said. As Lana ordered the battle between Clark and himself started to gets worse. Come on, its okay to be what you are, you just got to come out of the closet, you know there is ways to get both, but right now you know you want Lex more, but Lana, she'll understand, she has before, and she will again, just get up tell her you have to rescuer somebody and that your sorry etc. She'll understand. No she won't and I don't want Lex, your just making that up I have the person I've wanted all my life and now that I'm happy you want to ruin it for me, but no I wont have it!!!! Clark tried not to frown this time as he yelled inside at his conscience. "And for you sir?" The waiter asked Clark as he wrote down Lana's order and turned towards the young man. "Oh, I'd like.." Clark said looking at his menu. Lana starred at him and wondered why she hadn't realized how much Clark was the right guy for her. Look at him, why have all those many dates never turned out, why? Was it fate or what? Why does he feeling like he has to save everybody? What about me, I deserve saving once and a while, and going on a date is defiantly considered saving. What about when you were in danger? Bug boy, ____, all those many times that you needed help too? Well there was. You know well that Whitney didn't save, you know that it was Clark, Whitney was just there to finish up. Well, okay, so he's saved me a few times, but he's hurt me more than he has saved me. Yea, but think about the other people that he hurt when he went to save you? It all goes around and right now its going around quite good, you have him all to yourself and you should make the most of the day you've been waiting for your entire life. "Lana?" Clark asked Lana as he gave his final orders to the waiter and put his hand bravely on top of Lana's. "You okay?" "Oh, yea, sorry I'm just lost in a great dream and I don't want to be pinched." Lana said as she looked into Clarks eyes and realized he consequence was right, she should enjoy this while she can. "Oh then I'll leave you then." Clark said in the process of removing his hand. "No, I mean right now, I'm in a dream right now. Being here with you is my dream, I could honestly stare into your eyes all day long." Lana said before she realized what she was saying. "oh I'm sorry, I didn't, well I did mean it but I didn't mean to say it like that." "That's okay, I truly feel the same way about you." Clark said as he felt his voice take a deep breath to start yelling at him again. Sure you feel the same about Lana, but what about Lex, you know you have more feelings for him, so just tell her and get it.SHUT UP!!, okay I don't have feelings for Lex I have feelings for Lana and only Lana, okay and that's final so be quiet and leave me along. "So, so you have any plans for after this?" Clark asked as their food arrived. "No, should I?" Lana asked like a little girl on Christmas Eve waiting for a big surprise. "Well, yes, I actually did have something planned for after, would you like to join me?" Clark asked Lana was a great big smile on his face. "Oh Clark I would love too." Lana said returning the grin.  
  
In the reception hall  
  
"So, Joe, how did those kids get in here, I thought we didn't allow kids? And they don't even look like they're spoiled rich kids." Otto, Clark and Lana's waiter, asked his floor boss, Joe. "Oh, they are friends of Lex Luthor, and we have been told to entertain them so its there best night ever. Supposedly these two have been trying to date each other for a long time, but things kept getting in the way. He also said something along the lines that it might be the last date they ever have, but I didn't know what he meant by that. Oh but don't go spreading as floor gossip, okay? I wasn't suppose to tell anyone." Joe, concluded. "That's right you weren't." Lex Luthor whispered behind him. "Oh, Mr.. I mean Lex, I'm so sorry, he was just, I'm sorry, your table is ready." Joe stuttered. "I didn't want a table tonight." Lex said looking over Joe's shoulder to see where Clark and Lana were seated. "I just want to drop in and say hi to my good friends. "Lex finished with a tinge of an evil grin across his face. "Oh yes, sir, right this way." Joe said as he tried to get his way back to the billionaire. "Otto, take Lex to their table right away." Joe said giving Otto a look to say 'if you screw this up your fired' "No, I don't need a escort Joe, I know where you put them because its where I asked you too, so I can find my own way there." Lex said as he headed towards the dining room. "May I need to remind you that I own this place?" Lex added, knowing it gets Joe every time. "Yes, of course sir." Joe said getting to the other customers, for that's all he could do, no, he couldn't stand up to Lex Luthor he'll just have to let him.  
  
Clark and Lana's Table "So Lana, how is your." Clark began as he took a bite of his owe meal. "Good evening Lady and Gentleman." Lex said posing his best waiter voice he could think of. "Oh, we already have. Lex, hey" Clark said as he turned to the side to tell this new waiter when he realized that it was his best friend. "Very funny Lex, what are you doing here?" "Oh just to say hi, and all, how is the date going?" Lex asked trying to get a conversation up and running. "Oh its good, I can't believe you got us in here, I know that they normally wouldn't even serve somebody your age if you weren't a Luthor." Lana said looking around at the beautiful design of the restaurant. "Clark, I'm going to go to the bathroom, and Lex not to be rude and all but this is my date, so please rap up your conversation quick, I have a surprise for Clark." Lana said as she got up and patted her purse. "Okay, sure I'll try to." Lex said as he courteously pulled the seat away from the table to allow Lana to get up. "So Lex, why are you really here." Clark asked as Lana walked away. You know why he is here Clark, he wants you and you want him, give in!!! Shut up!!!! "Clark, recently I've been struggling with certain feelings that I can see you are struggling with too." Lex said looking straight into the eyes of Clark. "I.. I, Clark I love you." Lex spat out. "Umm, well.." Clark started Go on tell him what you feel, it will make everything all better. Well, your right I can't just keep this to myself, I do love him and I can't stay in the closet forever. "Lex, I have something to admit too, I love you as well, I've been hiding it for a long time now, and I'm glad that we got that out." Clark breath a sigh of relief when Lex didn't start laughing. "Oh my God, Clark I thought you were going to laugh I'm so glad you didn't laugh, I was bluffing when I said that I thought you felt the same way too." Lex said as he got up and put out his hand. "Lex, I think we should go, I honestly have been waiting for you to tell me that you love me for a long time." Clark said as he too got up and put his jacket on. As he and Lex were telling the waiter to put the bill on Lex's bill, Lana had been coming back from the washroom when she heard what Lex and Clark was talking about. Just as she got to them they walked out holding hands, got into Lex's limo and drove off. "Clark!!! What the hell!!" Lana screamed after the limo. "Mame, your ride home is waiting." The waiter said as Lana stood in disbelief, she swore she didn't see Clark and Lex holding hands. "What, so he was kind enough to arrange a ride home while he left me standing here not knowing what the hell is going on." Lana screamed at the waiter as she began to cry. "Please Mame, into the limo." The waiter urged as the chauffeur held the door open. Lana tried to yell at him again but all she could get out was a whimpered "fine." ***** "Lex, this feels weird, maybe I should go and explain it to Lana, I feel bad leaving her there." Clark said looking back "No, my dear friend this way we can say it was an emergency, do you still have feelings for her?" Lex asked him curiously. "Well yea, I guess that makes me bi, but really this feels all weird." Clark said not even knowing where to put his hands. "Don't worry it will all get better." Lex said putting his hand on top of Clarks. "Driver home please, and step on it. ***** "Are you sure about this Lex?" Clark asked as he undid his flannel shirt, as he was directed to. "You know maybe this is taking it a little fast." Clark said looking at Lex, who also had his shirt off. Clark noticed that there wasn't a hair on his body. "Look Clark if we wait about this Lana will start asking questions and it will harder and harder for us to see each other like this, this way it's a commitment right off and you will know if you really want this." Lex said pushing Clark onto the bed and helping him undo his pants. "Umm okay Lex, if your sure." Clark said praying to God that he wasn't really strong down there."  
  
AN: Don't worry I wont go into anymore detail anyway I wouldn't know now would I?  
  
***** "Lana, where is Clark, how long have you been sitting out here and oh man, your crying what happened this time?" Chloe asked as she came out on the porch to get some air where she found a distressed Lana sitting in the swing. "Oh nothing." Lana said as she looked up at Chloe. "well it is something I just don't know what." "Come on Lana, maybe me, the inquisitive reporter, can crack the Clark Kent code." Chloe said smiling down at Lana as she sat down next to her. "Well, I guess your right." And with that Lana Cracked and began to poor out the whole evening, play by play word for word, basically. At the end there was many possibilities that Chloe's head was contemplating but the main was bolded and underlined a dozen times, attached with Lana's speculation of the two men holding hands as they left. "Lana, oh my you've been through so much this evening, come on inside and get some rest." Chloe stared trying to ignore the bolded speculation floating around inside. "Chloe, your were never one to beat around the bush, what do you think?" Lana asked guessing you knew the answer." "Lana, truthfully, by the looks of it they well could be." Chloe started but couldn't finish. "Chloe, just spit it out, I think I already know what your going to say so just say it." Lana said getting frustrated she didn't want to hear it but if it is the truth then so be it. "Okay, I think they are gay Lana." Chloe said wanted to swivel up and die. "Well you didn't have to put it that bluntly." Lana said looking at Chloe. "Oh, I'm sorry Lana I didn't." Chloe stammered looking at Lana with disbelief. "Hey, Chloe I'm joking, trying to spread a little.." Lana tried to tell Chloe that she had been joking but couldn't finish because she broke down into tears. "Oh Lana it will be okay." Chloe said as she took Lana's head and put it in her lap. They sat there for about an hour and after Lana stopped crying they walked slowly inside hugged and went to bed. ***** "Yawn.. What time is it mo.oh what hell." Clark asked sitting up next to Lex Luthor looking at the sun that was streaming through the drapes. "Where am I, and what the hell Lex why are you and I in the same bed." "Oh its about 6am." Lex said sitting up with a smile on his face. "And remember you and I love each other." Lex said looking at Clark "What are you talking about." Clark yelled as he grabbed his pants that had been flung across the floor. " This was all a very weird dream, I am so not here right now." "Oh yes you are Clark, it may take a while but you'll realize that you really do love me." Lex said walking over to Clark and rubbing his back. Just then Lex's body shook, when he stopped, a sec later his eyes shot open. "What the hell are you doing half naked in. what am I doing half naked with you in my room." Lex asked with a big change of feelings. From outside the room "Damm, both of their drugs ran off too fast, well it doesn't matter this will make a press field day, take that Lex for ending you contract with me." Nixson whispered from his hiding spot. Back inside "I was asking you the same thing I don't remember anything last night except toasting to Lana and mines' first date. wait what happened to Lana?" Clark asked, now a confused Lex. "Clark I have no idea what's going on but this is so wrong its its its just plain wrong." Lex said stammering around. "Achoo" A muffled sound came from outside the door. "Bless you." Clark said by reflex. "That wasn't me" Lex said twirling around. "Somebody must be outside, maybe its got something to do with why we woke up next to each other." Lex finished grabbing some sort of utensil from his breakfast tray, which he foggily remember getting from the kitchen. "Crap," Nixson said as he sneezed, maybe they haven't heard me. Lex and Clark opened the doors to Lex's room really fast to scare whoever was out there. "umpf" Nixson let his breath pop out of him as the doors he was leaning against popped open. "Nixson!!!" Lex and Clark screamed in unison. "What the hell are you doing." Lex said pointing a spoon at him. "Lex, Clark, how nice to see you." Nixson stammered as he saw a spoon, which looked like a steak knife in the shadow, being pointed towards him. "look I was just trying to pay you back, so I got this drug that mixes your sexual feelings for a few hours. I was going to write the story but you know as a joke I was going to umm." Nixson stuttered as Lex walked towards him with the spoon. Lex noticed that Nixson was scared of the spoon so he guessed he thought it was something else. "Nixson give me that tape." Lex said pointing the spoon threatenly at him. "Or else." "Okay okay I'm sorry I'll repent ill never tell a soul, just don't kill me." Nixson actually afraid for his life, because he believed that Lex was capable of killing. SO he reached into his camera and ripped out the film, he also, knowing Lex would hire somebody to kill him if he did escape, handed over the still shots. "Thank you now, take this ticket to New Zealand, leave and don't come back." Lex said as he pulled out an electronic ticket which he had planned to give to Nixson anyway to keep him away from Clark. "Okay, okay I'm gone." Nixson said stumbling away. Clark stood there with his mouth open. "Okay what just happened there?" Clark said looking at Nixson flee. "I think that he drugged us so that we would sleep with each for a story." Lex said ripping up the film Nixson had given him. "Okay this is way too weird I've got to go home and oh my God I wonder what happened to Lana because I can't remember a thing, except the toasting, which must have been when I was drugged." Clark said grabbing his stuff. "Lex, why don't we forget about this, okay, I'll just tell Lana that you and I were drugged by Nixson to get back to Lex, we tell her and my parents that we don't know what he made us do with the drugs, but we ripped up the tapes, okay?" Clark said looking at Lex as he tied his shoes. "That sounds good because we don't really know what happened anyway." Lex said getting on his shoes as well. "I'll give you a ride home." Lex said grabbing his keys. "Thanks." Clark said getting up from the messy bed.  
  
At the Kent's "Mom, Dad?" Clark said running up that stairs to change for school. "Clark, where have you been, Lana has phoned here twice in tears said something about you leaving her and wanting to know where you were. Then phoned back later still crying but now because you we missing. We were worried stiff." Martha Kent said running in from the garden. "Clark where have you been, were you with Lex!!!" Jonathan Kent said just as mad running in from the barn. "I'm sorry but you know Nixson well, he drugged Lex and I to get back and Lex were not sure what he made us do but all we know is we woke up and found him there taping, of course we got the tape and destroyed it and send him to where Lex." Clark explained to his parents as he looked at Lex for him to help him out on the details. "Oh New Zealand." Lex said. "Thank you Lex, now I got to go and talk to Lana okay?" Clark asked still kind of freaked out about all this. "Okay, I'm glad that what ever he did to you guys didn't kill you, nor did it make it out to the press." Martha said as she went over and hugged Clark. For once Jonathan didn't say anything about how Lex and endangered Clark's live. He was actually starting to like this Luthor, though he vowed to be careful. "Look Clark go tell Lana, after u change for school I am sure that Lex, you wont mind dropping them off?" Jonathan said as he went over and patted Clark on his shoulder. "Lex, thank-you very much for getting Nixson out of here, though I'd like to know how you had the plane ticket all ready?" "Oh I was planning to meet to Nixson today to give him the ticket to leave you and Smallville alone." Lex said noticing that they way Jonathan had said it was more in an inquisitive remark than a snide remark, which Lex notice that he hadn't thrown Lex's way today, may he was growing on him. "Okay I'm ready." Clark said coming down the stairs with his orange backpack, "I'll see you tonight, mom and dad, I'll be back before dinner, but I also have to work on the torch okay?" Clark said, trying to make things as normal as possible as well as trying to erase this from his brain. "Okay I hope you have a good day Clark, and you to Lex" Martha said handing Clark his lunch. "Thank you Mrs. Kent, good day Mr. Kent" Lex said opening the door and allowing Clark to go first.  
  
In the car  
  
"So your mom still makes you lunch?" Lex asked smiling "hey if you had this lunch made for you you wouldn't complain either, my mom is a great cook." Clark said smiling "Yea you got a point there, anyway what are we going to say to Lana, I think she might have seen us hold hands." Lex asked being serious again. "I think that we should tell her the whole truth, she is always going on about that, and after that if she believes me, we'll start with a small date in the Talon and go from there, I still have my surprise to show her." Clark said taking about a piece of paper from his bag. "Good idea, I just hope she believes us." Lex said pulling into Mr. Sullivan's drive way. "How about you go first, I'll park it nicely and see how far you got." "I don't think that's such a good idea, oh wait maybe it is, I just don't want her to slam the door in my face." Clark said taking something else out of his bad. "I'll give her my surprise after I give her the flowers I got her." "Good thinking meet you in there." Lex said as he waited for Clark to get out of the car. ***** "Lana, I think I just heard Lex's car pull in, you think that's Clark?" Chloe said looking at the red eyed girl on the bed. "I can tell him to go away if you like?" "No, I'd like to talk to him." Lana said getting up, "But first I think I will let him give a pathetic explanation." Lana said brushing her hair, and walking out the door, and on impulse she grabbed her purse not knowing why.  
  
[ding dong]  
  
Lana walked over and opened the door and not to her surprise, Clark with a puppy dog look on his face, a folder and some flowers stood in front of her. "Excuse me, and you would be? Certainly not the same person who left me at the restaurant last night because that asshole wouldn't have the guts to come and lie to my face about saving somebody, I checked no one of any relation needed saving last night." Lana blurted out, not realizing how much august was built up inside of her. "Hey what happened to let him explain himself." Chloe yelled from the window. "Its okay Chloe, look Lana you have every right to be mad at what you saw, which I do not know by the way, but just give me a sec, sit on the swing with me, let me try and explain?" Clark asked taking her hand which she quickly whipped away. "Fine." Lana spat out, and sat as far away from him as she could. "Okay, the last thing that I remember last night is toasting to you with the Champaign they had just served. Everything from there on is gone, no idea." "Oh my God, Clark Kent you are just going to pull the 'I don't remember what I did to you stunt'?" Lana screamed at him. "Hold up Lana please." Clark asked her as he put his hands on her. "Please just let me explain. Okay I woke up next to Lex in the mansion. And neither of us could remember what happened, we then heard a sound coming from the door. We opened it and there sat Nixson, in his hand he had a video camera and a still camera. Turns out he was trying to embarrass Lex in the papers for Lex ending his contract. We did not view the film, fearing what he actually made us do, and ripped up both of them. Please tell me you believe me." Lana just sat there and stared at him, he had been on drugs, endanger and she had just yelled at him. "Oh my god Clark I am so sorry, I just assumed you would have some lame ass accuse this time." Lana started to cry as she hugged Clark. "Lana, this is my entire fault, I should have dealt with Nixson sooner." Lex said as he stepped onto the balcony. "Oh Lex, you and Clark were in danger, I am so sorry for yelling at you Clark." Lana sobbed. "Oh Lana its okay, what else were you to think." Clark said wiping away her tears. "Now I have something for you that I was suppose to show you last night but if you come over tonight you can see it, but right now I'll tell you what it is." Clark handed her the flowers and picked up the folder. "I though that since you were find of a astronomy fan, I decided to get a star named after you." Clark said handing her the paper. "Oh my god Clark," Lana said jumping on him. "You are the sweetest man I have ever known" "Yea I know." Clark answered modestly. "Hey I got you something as well." Lana said reaching into her bag. She pulled out a small package. "What is it?" Clark asked curiously "Well actually its kind of lame now that I think about it, like no way as good as a star but it will have to due." Lana said as she opened the small package and unfolded the piece of paper that fell out. She gave the rest of the package to Clark. "It's a medal." Lana said smiling. "Its says 'the shortest job award in the Talon.' Aww Lana that is so sweet." Clark said hugging her. "Here there is an authentic certificate signed by the richest man in Smallville, Lex Luthor." Lana said handing it to Clark. "Wow, I guess that must have been when I was drugged because I don't remember anything about that. But Lana that was a nice touch, now if all the lovely dovy is over I think it would be best that you all get toe school, you know Renalds doesn't like you lot." Lex said walking towards his car. "Good idea Lex." Clark as he put out his hand to Lana and walked her towards the car. ***** "Well that didn't go as well I expected." Chloe said to herself as she got up from the window sill. "At least Nixson took all the blame, but man even been evil to get Clark didn't work, and this waiting thing isn't working out either, how on earth am I going to be able to get through to him. That friend crap on the day of the storm really screwed me over" "Chloe you coming?" Lana yelled from outside. "Oh well, I'll find another way. Coming Lana, you want me to grab your bag?" Chloe answered. "And the sad thing is I don't even hate Lana, she does make a good friend." "Oh yea thanks I nearly forgot that." Lana said, as she stepped into the back with Clark. "Remember Chloe 'La patience est un vurtue', patience is a virtue, posses it if you can, always in a woman, never in a man."  
  
AN: Okay well that is why I haven't updated my CSI/Smallville cross over, so yea I hope u liked it, its really long man do I talk to much:P.anyway the last part in French was kinda a inside joke because of our French class and the English part is funny eh? Anyway, hope u like it, going to go put more spaces in so its not crowded when I post it. 


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